Hi, i'm Claudine! Freshman at Whitney High School, reppin' the class of 2012. God, family, and friends mean the world to me. I love reading books, especially if they're interesting. I couldn't imagine life without music, it really is my therapy. Bonding makes my day & i appreciate people who go out of their comfort zone to act like their selves with no restraint.

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May 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 March 2011 May 2011

Lovedrops♥
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Oh man, i'm so freaaaking tired! but i can't go to sleep cause i still have to finish my history study guide thing, which is taking extremely long. Anyways, this week was okaay i guess, so up & down. Tuesday, we had a game with Valley Christian, and i think we did pretty good. We thought we were gonna lose super badly but it ended up being 25-17 for the first game and 25-23 for the second one, i think. It was really fun actually, trying to get our spirits up and stuff. At first i was so nervous! cause there were a whole bunch of people. Thanks for coming by the way! it was mostly from our class, and the cheering was awesome. :D made me laugh & feel more comfortable. Ahaha. Today was so.. i dont have a word to describe it. but it was something. I fell asleep during second period, and i felt kinda bad, but Dalley's a chill teacher. The rest of the day, i got so hyper! it was weird. i think i get more hyper the less sleep i have. lunch was funnn, i love hour lunches. & i love t.i.'s new song, whatever you like! SO GOOD. haha. volleyball, i was just so out of it. but it doesnt bug me as much anymore. aaah. there's this one girl thoughh, i get so frustrated with her. It's like. she thinks she's better than everyone else. I dunno, buuut she seems so nice at times & thenn she can be the biggest bitch ever. aaaaand then with my one friend, we're like completely driftinng. I used to be so close to her, and now it's like. awkward. You'd think she'd know that i felt weird, or that something's going on, but i dont think she even wants to try talking. Reminds me of my problem with my other friend. freaking, i'm so bad with friendships. i swear, i like mess everything up. but whatever, i got closer to other people i've never talked to before. I really like getting to know new people. Its like a new start, you know? cause they don't know anything about you & they can't judge you. I think thats what i need. but yeaaaah, other than that life's been stable lately. (: Thanks to the people who tried cheering me up. Love you guys.

I was just looking over all my posts, and i realized it was starting to get longer & longer every time. So ima' try to keep this short. (: Oh & you know what else i realized? i was reading over other people's blogs and i realized that compared to what they put in and how they act in person, it's a whole lot different. even with me. I mean, maybe its just cause there's alot more you can put on here that you can't really tell other people. whether it be too embarassing, too random or 'not cool' enough. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a person who you could tell everything to though? Someone that you can act like yourself around without worrying what they might think. Yeah. Anyways, sorry for the super emo post before this one. Things have started to get so much better though. I've connected & gotten to know more people since then. I know these things always happens, i just hate it when it does. Everyone always tells me that things will fall into place, and it does, eventually. So our first volleyball game friday & i was so nervous! cause the coach said the team we were playing against were really good & they had maaj hard servers. but then lunch got me all hyper so i was arighhht. The game was actually kinda boring, cause we made all our points through serves, and since the other team couldn't really hit it back, we weren't really doing anything. Then I went to hello dance, and it was craazy fun! It was so last minute, and it was so hot & i think that's the most i've sweated ever. haha. But the dj kept changing songs & some i didnt know. Class of 2012 got 3rd place for lip sync! congratulations, you guys did greaaat. I thought the seniors' were pretty tight though. Today i woke up at like 3, and i slept at 12 last night. I had a huge headache, my throat was sore, andd it felt like every part of my body was burning. I had a fever. =( I feel better now though i guess, but i slept again till like 6 or something. Haha. Now i'm trying to do homework, & i dont get most of 'em. ahah. Arighht, later.

So summer officially ended last wednesday. First day of school was incredibly long. Friday was much much better. Everyone got all hyper at lunch & it was pretty fun. My classes are okay, i guess. This week.. probably one of the longest weeks i've had to go through. I've procrastinated so much on homework, and even now i'm supposed to be typing up this dialogue thing for history. But i just have this need to let things out. I'm so confused about what's going on with me. I've been acting really weird lately. Its like i can never be myself around people in school. Even my closest friends. I think i'm starting to shut out everyone or everything. Or it just feels that way. I try to act normal, but its hard. I've gone through each and every day so far always just looking forward to the end of the day, when i dont have to pretend anymore, when i can stop trying to be strong enough to hide how i really feel. Everyone I've always trusted to just be there for me , isn't. I just feel so alone. Like I have nobody to talk to about the things that really matter, the things that gives me reason to act the way I do. I feel like if i just fell off the face of the earth, nobody would notice. It wouldn't really affect that much people, I don't think. What's worse is at the end of the day, during volleyball. My self confidence just goes way down in that period. I dont know, maybe its just my imagination, but some people always seem to get mad or annoyed just because of some stupid mistake. Or i dont even really talk to the girls on the team. Just some of them. Today was, if even possible, even more extremely crappy than the past previous days. I hate it when just thinking about one little thing makes me break down. Maybe its cause i kept things inside for way too long. So this afternoon, i spent an incredible amount of time just screaming out words to songs that are tuned up high from my ipod. That helps me, especially when i'm listening to rock songs. I dont know why, but i think its just a way for me to let it out sometimes. I wish i can just find those people who i can talk to about these kinds of stuff thought, the ones i can always be myself around, without any restraint, any vulnerability, or any awkwardness. The people i can always talk to about what's going on, trusting that they'll be there for me and that they'll try to understand and be real about everything. I know that's probably asking for too much. I know that ranting out like this won't really change anything, except maybe make me feel a little bit lighter inside. I also know that I shouldn't be complaining because other people have it way worse than I do, but it's kinda hard to avoid. You know? I can't help feeling crappy as hell. I don't even want to think what the rest of the year will be like for me. I just hope it gets better, even just a little bit. Right now i'm listening to the song edward made for bella in twilight! It sounds amazing, and it's incredibly sweet. It's called River Flows in You by Yiruma. Listen to it if you have a chance. Just the sound makes me feel better.

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