Hi, i'm Claudine! Freshman at Whitney High School, reppin' the class of 2012. God, family, and friends mean the world to me. I love reading books, especially if they're interesting. I couldn't imagine life without music, it really is my therapy. Bonding makes my day & i appreciate people who go out of their comfort zone to act like their selves with no restraint.

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May 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 March 2011 May 2011

Lovedrops♥
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So summer officially ended last wednesday. First day of school was incredibly long. Friday was much much better. Everyone got all hyper at lunch & it was pretty fun. My classes are okay, i guess. This week.. probably one of the longest weeks i've had to go through. I've procrastinated so much on homework, and even now i'm supposed to be typing up this dialogue thing for history. But i just have this need to let things out. I'm so confused about what's going on with me. I've been acting really weird lately. Its like i can never be myself around people in school. Even my closest friends. I think i'm starting to shut out everyone or everything. Or it just feels that way. I try to act normal, but its hard. I've gone through each and every day so far always just looking forward to the end of the day, when i dont have to pretend anymore, when i can stop trying to be strong enough to hide how i really feel. Everyone I've always trusted to just be there for me , isn't. I just feel so alone. Like I have nobody to talk to about the things that really matter, the things that gives me reason to act the way I do. I feel like if i just fell off the face of the earth, nobody would notice. It wouldn't really affect that much people, I don't think. What's worse is at the end of the day, during volleyball. My self confidence just goes way down in that period. I dont know, maybe its just my imagination, but some people always seem to get mad or annoyed just because of some stupid mistake. Or i dont even really talk to the girls on the team. Just some of them. Today was, if even possible, even more extremely crappy than the past previous days. I hate it when just thinking about one little thing makes me break down. Maybe its cause i kept things inside for way too long. So this afternoon, i spent an incredible amount of time just screaming out words to songs that are tuned up high from my ipod. That helps me, especially when i'm listening to rock songs. I dont know why, but i think its just a way for me to let it out sometimes. I wish i can just find those people who i can talk to about these kinds of stuff thought, the ones i can always be myself around, without any restraint, any vulnerability, or any awkwardness. The people i can always talk to about what's going on, trusting that they'll be there for me and that they'll try to understand and be real about everything. I know that's probably asking for too much. I know that ranting out like this won't really change anything, except maybe make me feel a little bit lighter inside. I also know that I shouldn't be complaining because other people have it way worse than I do, but it's kinda hard to avoid. You know? I can't help feeling crappy as hell. I don't even want to think what the rest of the year will be like for me. I just hope it gets better, even just a little bit. Right now i'm listening to the song edward made for bella in twilight! It sounds amazing, and it's incredibly sweet. It's called River Flows in You by Yiruma. Listen to it if you have a chance. Just the sound makes me feel better.

Labels: it's just the beginning.