Monday, March 14, 2011
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7:10 PM
i am the most selfish and complicated person i know.
that being said, i guess i have to start working on accepting it! it seems like i find more things i dislike about myself everyday -_- why am i never content =/ sighh life is seriously such a mystery. especially when it comes to your relationships with others. i wish we didn't have those "i miss you" conversations and not do anything about it. it's kind of sad how much a relationship can change.. i mean it makes me wonder, do we ever really know anyone? on a bright note, i'm more certain about what i want to be in the future! i seriously hope i don't become one of those people who just make plans but are too scared to do it or say that there's not enough time because that is just bullshit. we have all the time in the world to do anything we wanna do and be anyone we wanna be. we always just end up scaring ourselves out of it. or at least that's true for my case. i'm finding more outlets which is good.. but sometimes it's hard not to depend on people too. but then there's always something that goes wrong. ughh balance is seriously so hard ): i think i've complained about that in like, my last 5 posts lol. i'm so easily let down. i keep giving myself to everything and everyone. it's like a disaster waiting to happen. when did i change so much? when did i settle into becoming the person i am now? i'm not sure i like it. actually, i'm pretty sure i don't. it's not that i think i'm a bad person, i just lack the self confidence because of the indirect constant put downs. a lot of them encouraged by me -_- I AM SUCH A CONTRADICTION, holy. this is a really random rant.. but just my train of thought for the past few days.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
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5:48 PM
I'M DONE WITH ALL THE NEGATIVITY AND THE SENSITIVITY!
or at least i hope i am. these past few weeks haven't actually been that bad. actually they've been pretty goood! but on the inside i'm such a mess. and i honestly don't even know why. i have so many thoughts that are so jumbled up in my head and they keep piling up before i can even figure them out. SO OVERWHELMING. and i find myself so frustrated at myself at times. i swore i would do better =/ i guess old habits die hard. i feel like i create my own problems. like i make something out of nothing. well i think everyone does that. i think we make things complicated, when it shouldn't be. because it feels wrong and weird to not be doing anything, to not have anything wrong, to not constantly worry about something, to just be. i wish i could change that though! i mean i always complain about what's going on in my life but i feel like it would be totally weird if i wasn't complaining about something. i guess my lesson is.. you can't always be perfect. we were made to make mistakes and feeling bad can't be avoided. i find that i've come to rely on it actually.. FINDING BALANCE IS SO DAMN HARD